Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
