Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

No

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(256): View more from Alabama

every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now

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(813): View more from Florida

If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

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(765): View more from Indiana

A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers

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(248): View more from Michigan

sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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(937): View more from Ohio

A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...

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(416): View more from Toronto

The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children

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