Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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