The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
