rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
