So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
