Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
