I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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