remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
