from now on my penis is your penis
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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