Im at strip club and am horny
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
