I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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