i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize