My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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