Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
