Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
