i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
