also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
