He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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