I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We left the knife in your bed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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