shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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