Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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