But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
another moral hangover. fuck.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize