oh god the rape fog is back!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
