also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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