i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
