No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
