The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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