He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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