i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
