Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
