i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
