Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
