I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
