sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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