Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
