If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
