Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
