how can u be prego again
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
