it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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