last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
