Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
