seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am one with the molecules
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize