every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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