It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Please don't give away my fajitas
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
