I wannas sexs uuuuu
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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