Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize