What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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