Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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