Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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