I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
