i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
