Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
