Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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