Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
