Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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