Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
