Who wears a wallet chain?!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
