how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you would pick up someone in the library
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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