Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
