Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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