Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
