im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
