Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
