I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
