How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
