Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Randomize
