a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
