I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
