I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
