Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
