your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize