oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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