Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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