Just cropdusted the office
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
