my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
