Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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