I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
