I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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