between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
