you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
