my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
