Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
