dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
