So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
