I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
