I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
