you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
